The Mind’s Innate Ability to Heal

EMDR, Mindfulness, and the Wisdom of the Body

 

The Brain as a Self-Healing System

Our brains are not just thinking machines; they are also designed to heal. At every moment, our minds are making connections, integrating experiences, and updating our internal narrative in ways that help us survive and even thrive. When we experience distressing or traumatic events, our brains attempt to process them, linking them to past experiences, resources, and lessons learned.

But sometimes, when an experience is too overwhelming, our brain’s processing system gets disrupted. Instead of integrating the memory in a way that helps us move forward, it remains “stuck” in its original, raw form—full of fear, pain, or self-doubt. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The past is not in the past. It is in you, in your way of breathing, walking, and perceiving life.” Trauma doesn’t just disappear with time; it lingers in our nervous system, shaping our thoughts, emotions, and bodily responses until it is fully processed. This is where healing modalities like EMDR come in, helping the brain do what it was always meant to do: process, integrate, and restore balance.

 

EMDR and the Natural Healing Process

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) isn’t about inserting something new into the brain; it’s about unlocking the brain’s own ability to heal itself. Much like how our bodies work to heal a wound, our minds strive to resolve distressing experiences and return to a state of equilibrium. EMDR activates this natural process by engaging the brain’s adaptive information processing (AIP) system, allowing it to connect previously unprocessed memories with more adaptive, healing insights.

This means that, deep down, our minds want to heal. As Francine Shapiro, the creator of EMDR, put it, “People aren’t broken. Their past experiences are unprocessed.” EMDR doesn’t force healing—it simply clears the path for it.

 

The Body’s Wisdom: Mindfulness, Somatic Healing, and Self-Repair

Thich Nhat Hanh often taught that mindfulness, especially mindful breathing, connects us to the body’s innate wisdom. When we take a deep breath, we are doing more than just filling our lungs— we are grounding ourselves, calming our nervous system, and creating space for healing.

In the same way that EMDR helps the brain integrate and resolve old wounds, mindfulness helps regulate our emotional and physiological state. Every breath we take is an opportunity for self-repair. Every moment of awareness is an act of self-compassion.

But healing doesn’t only happen in the mind—it happens in the body. Trauma is stored not just as memories but as physical sensations, tensions, and patterns of movement. Approaches like yoga, somatic experiencing (SE), and movement therapy help release trauma that words alone cannot reach. Engaging in expressive therapies—such as art, music, and dance—can also facilitate healing by allowing emotions to be processed through creativity and movement rather than only cognition.

This is why mindfulness, somatic therapies, and trauma-healing approaches like EMDR complement each other so beautifully. Both recognize that healing is not something we have to chase— it’s something that naturally unfolds when we create the right conditions. But healing is not always comfortable. As Pema Chödrön reminds us, “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” Facing our past can feel unsettling, but it is also the pathway to freedom.

 

The Power of Trusting Your Own Mind

When we understand that healing is an intrinsic function of the mind and body, it changes how we approach growth, recovery, and well-being. It shifts us from a mindset of “fixing what is broken” to one of supporting what is already working.

The next time you feel stuck in an old emotional loop, take a moment to consider this: your mind and body are already working toward resolution. Whether through mindful breathing, EMDR, movement-based therapies, or simply allowing yourself the space to process, you are engaging in one of the most remarkable aspects of being human—the ability to heal, adapt, and thrive.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

 



Therapist, Lauren Kelley draws upon her wealth of expertise in diverse modalities like EMDR, attachment-based therapy, and CBT to provide personalized, transformative care.

BOOK WITH LAUREN

Grieving the Loss of a Fantasy Parent: Letting Go and Healing

Many people unconsciously hold onto the fantasy of a loving, nurturing, and attuned parent—a version of their mother or father that they desperately needed but never truly had. David Celani’s Leaving Home explores how individuals cling to this fantasy as a way of preserving hope and avoiding the pain of unmet childhood needs. However, the process of emotional growth often requires acknowledging this painful reality and grieving the loss of the parent we wished for but never had.

 

Why Grieving the Fantasy Parent is Necessary

Grieving the loss of a fantasy parent is not about blaming or vilifying our real parents. Instead, it is about validating the pain of unmet needs and moving toward healing. When we fail to acknowledge this loss, we may remain stuck in patterns of seeking approval, repeating dysfunctional relationship dynamics, or feeling an underlying sense of unworthiness. By consciously grieving, we can integrate our experiences, release unrealistic expectations, and cultivate self-compassion.

 

Recognizing the Fantasy Parent

Many people are unaware that they are still holding onto the fantasy of a perfect parent. Here are some signs that this dynamic may be at play:

  • A persistent hope that your parent will one day change and become the loving, supportive figure you needed.
  • An inability to accept their limitations, leading to repeated disappointment.
  • Feeling emotionally stuck—oscillating between resentment and longing.
  • Seeking out relationships where you unconsciously try to receive the love and validation you never got from a parent.

 

The Role of Grief Rituals in Healing

Grief is not just an emotion—it is a process. Engaging in intentional grief rituals can help make the loss feel real, provide a sense of closure, and create space for self-nurturing. Here are some powerful ways to acknowledge and grieve the loss of a fantasy parent:

1. Writing a Letter to the Fantasy Parent

Write a letter expressing what you needed from them, what you wished they had done differently, and how their absence of attunement affected you. You can choose to keep the letter as a reminder of your truth, or you can symbolically release it by burning or tearing it up.

2. Creating a Memorial Space

Set up a small space with symbolic objects—a childhood photo, a candle, or something representing the idealized parent. Spend time acknowledging your grief, and when you feel ready, dismantle the space as a way of saying goodbye.

3. A Releasing Ceremony

Write down unfulfilled hopes, painful memories, or anything you are ready to release. Place these writings in a fire, bury them in the ground, or float them away in water as a way of letting go.

4. Symbolic Reparenting

Hold an object representing your inner child, such as a stuffed animal or a comforting blanket. Speak affirmations to yourself, such as:

  • “I see you, I hear you, I will take care of you.”
  • “You deserved love and attunement, and I will give that to you now.”
  • “You are worthy, just as you are.”

5. Movement-Based Rituals

Grief is stored in the body, and movement can help release it. Consider a slow walk in nature, a candle-lighting meditation, or gentle yoga with an intention of honoring your grief and inviting healing.

 

Moving Forward: Becoming Your Own Nurturing Parent

Letting go of the fantasy parent is not about giving up on love—it is about reclaiming it for yourself. As you grieve, you can begin to step into the role of the attuned, compassionate, and loving figure that you always needed. This might look like:

  • Setting boundaries with parents who continue to be emotionally unavailable.
  • Seeking out relationships that provide healthy, reciprocal care.
  • Practicing self-compassion and self-care as acts of reparenting.
  • Finding community and therapy to support your healing journey.

The process of grieving a fantasy parent is not easy, but it is profoundly liberating. By acknowledging the truth, honoring the loss, and choosing to nurture yourself, you create space for genuine healing, deeper self-acceptance, and emotional freedom.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to explore these grief rituals and take one small step toward letting go of the fantasy—so that you can fully embrace the life that is waiting for you.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.


Therapist, Lauren Kelley draws upon her wealth of expertise in diverse modalities like EMDR, attachment-based therapy, and CBT to provide personalized, transformative care.

BOOK WITH LAUREN