Tag Archives: Nashville therapy

Six Moments You Should Consider Couples or Family Counseling

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When you choose to share your life with someone, it’s essential to create a rhythm of giving, receiving, and experiencing life together. A strong relationship isn’t about keeping score—it’s about mutual support, shared joy, and growing alongside each other.

That’s why couples and family therapy isn’t just for relationships in distress. In fact, seeking therapy proactively can help strengthen your bond, improve communication, and guide you through life’s inevitable transitions with greater ease. Research shows that consistently investing in a relationship—both early on and over time—not only deepens connection but also enhances overall satisfaction and fosters a lasting sense of togetherness.

One cool but often overlooked aspect of couples therapy is that the therapist views the couple as the primary entity to support. While the individuals create the dynamic, the therapist is focused on offering guidance for the larger story and outlook of both people together. There’s really no other type of intervention quite like it. This is why it’s so important to find a therapist who not only has experience but also a genuine passion for working with couples.

Below, we’ll explore key moments when couples and family counseling can be especially beneficial.

 

1. Before Major Commitments

You may feel like you know everything about your partner as you approach an engagement or marriage, but some topics—like finances, family planning, or lifestyle choices—can be difficult to discuss openly. You might feel intimidated by the conversation, unsure how to bring it up without letting emotions or fears get in the way of what you truly want to say.

Research shows that engaging in premarital counseling can help lay a strong foundation for marriage. In fact, a meta-analysis of 20 studies involving over 10,000 couples found that those who participated in premarital counseling had a 31% lower chance of divorce compared to those who did not. Even for long-term partners who don’t plan on getting married, counseling before making major commitments—like moving in together or merging finances—can help set the stage for a healthy, fulfilling future.

In therapy you and your partner can learn the foundational language and tools that can be used time and time again when conversations are serious and big decisions must be made.

 

2. Deciding on Big Life Transitions

Significant life changes, like career shifts, relocations, or decisions about having children, can introduce stress into a relationship. The real challenge is how you both merge your expectations and visions for the future into one shared path. And how do you do that without overpowering each other’s thoughts or perspectives? This can be especially tough if you and your partner are coming from different viewpoints.

Couples therapy offers a valuable opportunity to navigate these changes together, fostering understanding, support, and growth. A therapist can help you explore each other’s values, make collaborative decisions, and manage the stress that comes with big transitions. Therapy also helps you both see the potential impact of one choice over another, allowing for a clearer view of the emotions and values tied to your decisions. With this broader perspective, you and your partner can make the most informed choice for your future.

 

Transitioning to Parenthood

Becoming parents is a beautiful but demanding shift in a relationship. Studies show that 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after having children (Gottman & Gottman, 2017). It’s easy to see why, both of you are taking on new responsibilities and roles, all while undergoing a transformation in your personal identities. It’s a lot to handle—even at the best of times! 

Seeing a therapist can help you share the emotional and practical burdens of this transition with your partner (they aren’t your roommate after all, they are your partner!). A therapist can provide you with the tools and language to navigate co-parenting, while also helping to strengthen your connection amidst these evolving dynamics. Therapy offers a quiet, neutral space where you and your partner can make important decisions about how to raise your child, define your family values, and approach discipline—while also learning about attachment styles and building solid foundations for your child’s development.

 

3. Following a Crisis or Trauma

Difficult life events—such as the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, or financial hardship—can deeply impact even the strongest relationships. Research shows that couples who seek therapy during times of crisis tend to exhibit higher resilience and emotional regulation (Neff & Karney, 2005). The honesty and safety of the therapy space offer a neutral environment where both partners can process their emotions in a healthy way. It allows each person to express their individual experiences with grief or trauma, discover new depths of connection through this shared experience, and ultimately prevent long-term resentment or disconnection.

And that last part is so important. By addressing the pain together, you can prevent the seed of resentment from taking root—something that can pay off in ways you might not fully realize right now.

 

4. When Communication Breakdowns Occur

Struggles with misunderstandings, recurring conflicts, or emotional distance are signs that it might be time for professional support. The Gottman Method teaches that the success of a relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict but about how couples manage it (Gottman, 1999). Couples can either move toward each other with proven strategies and tools, or they can fall into patterns known as The Four Horsemen—spoiler alert: things tend to go much better when you choose the former.

Therapy can help by teaching effective communication techniques, identifying and breaking unhealthy patterns, and strengthening emotional attunement. After all, communication is the bridge to lasting success in a relationship, and like any bridge, it needs care and maintenance. Returning to therapy ensures that your foundation remains strong, allowing for a healthier way to communicate, a deeper emotional connection, and a richer intimacy.

 

5. After Trust Issues or Infidelity

Recovering from a breach of trust or infidelity is undoubtedly challenging, but it is possible. Research shows that with the right therapeutic interventions, many couples can rebuild trust and even create a relationship that’s stronger than before (Glass, 2003). You might be wondering how this is possible after such deep wounds have been inflicted. The key is to rebuild from the inside out—reconnecting your lives and hearts through consistent effort and attunement to one another.

It will take time, but couples counseling can help by creating a safe space for open dialogue, rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy, and establishing trust and accountability.

 

6. For Regular Relationship Check-Ins

Despite all the reasons above to seek therapy, let’s be clear: you don’t need to wait for a crisis to seek support. Just as people go to the doctor for routine check-ups, relationships benefit from periodic counseling to maintain a solid foundation. Studies suggest that couples who engage in ongoing relationship education report higher satisfaction and lower divorce rates (Markman et al., 2010). Consistent therapy sessions can help partners enhance intimacy, strengthen emotional connections, develop new skills for managing stress and conflict, and support continued personal and relational growth. The number of sessions and frequency is up to you and your partner, but one key benefit of regular therapy is that it prevents the idea of “going to therapy” from feeling like a last-ditch effort to save your relationship. In other words, therapy doesn’t have to feel intimidating or scary—it’s simply a way to nurture and strengthen your bond along the way.

 

Couples and family therapy isn’t just about fixing problems—it’s about building a relationship that can withstand life’s inevitable ups and downs. You’ve chosen to do life with your partner, so why not embrace the opportunity to work together and be there for one another? Yes, couples therapy can be a powerful expression of love.

 

If you’re unsure where to start, we now offer free consultation calls to help you explore the best path forward.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

EMDR Prep: Building Emotional Safety

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“I want to try EMDR, but I’m afraid I’ll fall apart if I open that door.”

If that thought has ever crossed your mind, you’re not alone. Many clients who’ve lived through trauma feel both drawn to the idea of healing and terrified of what it might stir up. They often say things like:

“What if I get overwhelmed and can’t stop crying?”
“What if I shut down in session—or worse, outside of it?”
“What if I can’t keep functioning in my daily life while doing this work?”

These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs your system is doing what it was designed to do: protect you.

That’s why EMDR therapy doesn’t begin with trauma processing. It begins with something called resource installation— a phase of the work focused entirely on building your sense of emotional safety and resilience, so you can move forward without being overwhelmed.

 

What Is Resource Installation in EMDR?

Resource installation is a phase of EMDR therapy where we help you strengthen internal supports— things like calm, confidence, safety, or protection. These may come from real memories or imaginative experiences, and we reinforce them using bilateral stimulation (like tapping or eye movements).

The goal is simple: to help you feel more grounded and capable before we touch the hard stuff.

 

Why Some People Need More Resourcing Than Others

Some people already have solid internal supports when they arrive in therapy. They may have had safe relationships, done previous therapy, or developed good emotional regulation skills. Their nervous system can tolerate discomfort and stay steady when things get intense. In these cases, resourcing might be brief.

Others—especially those with complex trauma, neglect, or chaotic early environments—may not have had the chance to develop those supports. Their nervous systems may live in a constant state of hypervigilance or shutdown. Resourcing helps create the safety they didn’t get back then—and that they need now to heal.

 

How Resourcing Helps You Stay Safe

Resourcing isn’t optional. It’s the foundation that makes trauma work safe and effective. It helps you:

  • Regulate strong emotions
  • Reduce overwhelm in and between sessions
  • Stay present while revisiting the past
  • Continue functioning in work, family, and daily life
  • Feel empowered and in control of your healing process

You don’t have to fall apart in order to get better.

 

Real-Life Examples of Resource Installation

Here’s what resourcing can actually look like in session—no jargon, just human stories.

 

Jasmine – Creating a Calm Place

Jasmine couldn’t remember ever feeling safe growing up. So we created a new “calm place” together: a quiet forest with soft moss, birdsong, and sunlight. With tapping, we helped her body begin to associate that image with calm. It became a place she could return to whenever things got overwhelming.

 

Marcus – Imagining a Protector

Marcus had never felt emotionally protected. So we imagined someone who could be that for him—a steady, grounded older brother figure standing at his side. Installing that image helped Marcus feel less alone when revisiting painful memories. It gave his nervous system the signal: “You’re not doing this by yourself.”

 

Sam – Remembering a Time He Felt Strong

Sam didn’t think he had any inner strength—until he remembered a solo hiking trip. That memory, of pushing through exhaustion and reaching the summit, became a powerful resource. We installed that feeling of strength before any trauma work began. It anchored him when he needed it most.

 

Rachel – Using a Resource Already in Place

Rachel had a strong support system and years of therapy behind her. She immediately named her resource: sitting on the porch with her partner, wrapped in a blanket, tea in hand. We installed that image just enough to make it easily accessible. Because Rachel already had strong internal support, her system was ready to move into reprocessing without a long preparation phase.

 

You Don’t Have to Rush the Healing

If you’re nervous about starting EMDR because you’re afraid of falling apart—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. In fact, your nervous system is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.

That’s why we start with resourcing.
It’s how we build safety together.
It’s how we help your brain do the work—without undoing you in the process.

So take a breath. You can go at your own pace. We’ll go with you.

 

Want to Know More?

Curious about EMDR or wondering whether you’re ready to begin? Feel free to reach out to the studio at 615-953-3934. I’d be happy to talk more about how this process works and whether it might be a good fit for you. Alternatively, book EMDR with me here.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

How to Create a Connection Ritual with Your Partner

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In the busyness of life, it’s easy for meaningful connection to slip to the bottom of the priority list. Work, responsibilities, and the daily grind take over, and suddenly, quality time with your partner feels more like an afterthought than an intention. But deep connection doesn’t just happen—it’s nurtured through small, consistent efforts over time.

Creating a connection ritual doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s not about grand gestures or extravagant plans. It’s about showing up, week after week, with presence and intention. Inspired by Relationship Workbook for Couples by Rachel Stone (2019), here’s a simple six-step guide to help you cultivate a ritual of connection with your partner.

 

Step 1: Set Aside a Dedicated Day & Time Each Week

Consistency is key. Choose a day and time that works for both of you and protect it like an important appointment. This is your time to step away from distractions and be fully present with each other. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—what matters is that you both commit to showing up.

 

Step 2: Identify What Makes You Feel Most Connected

Connection looks different for everyone. Some people feel closest through deep conversations, while others connect through physical touch, shared laughter, or experiencing something new together. Take some time to reflect—what moments make you feel most seen, heard, and valued in your relationship? Let that guide your ritual.

 

Step 3: Reflect on Your ‘Dream Dates’

Think about some of your most memorable dates. What made them special? Maybe it was the sense of adventure, the quiet intimacy, or the joy of trying something new. You don’t have to recreate those dates exactly, but you can bring their essence into your weekly connection time. If spontaneity and fun were key, try something playful. If deep conversations were what stood out, create space for meaningful dialogue.

 

Step 4: Find Shared Interests

Connection deepens when you share experiences that genuinely excite you both. Maybe it’s cooking together, going for a walk, playing a game, or listening to music. If you don’t have an obvious shared interest, explore new activities together—you might be surprised by what you enjoy!

 

Step 5: Keep a Running List of Ideas

Life gets busy, and when you finally have time together, it’s easy to default to the same routine or struggle to think of something to do. Keeping a running list of ideas—conversation starters, games, new activities, or fun date night plans—can help keep things fresh and intentional.

 

Step 6: Stay Committed, Even When It’s Not Perfect

Not every connection time will go as planned. Some weeks might feel more effortless than others, and that’s okay. What matters most is the intention behind it—prioritizing each other, showing up, and making the effort. Over time, these small moments build something much deeper: trust, intimacy, and a foundation that can weather life’s ups and downs.

 

Connection is Built in the Small Moments

Relationships thrive not because of grand gestures, but because of the everyday moments of love, presence, and care. By creating a connection ritual, you’re setting the stage for deeper understanding, intimacy, and joy in your relationship.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.



The Mind’s Innate Ability to Heal

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EMDR, Mindfulness, and the Wisdom of the Body

 

The Brain as a Self-Healing System

Our brains are not just thinking machines; they are also designed to heal. At every moment, our minds are making connections, integrating experiences, and updating our internal narrative in ways that help us survive and even thrive. When we experience distressing or traumatic events, our brains attempt to process them, linking them to past experiences, resources, and lessons learned.

But sometimes, when an experience is too overwhelming, our brain’s processing system gets disrupted. Instead of integrating the memory in a way that helps us move forward, it remains “stuck” in its original, raw form—full of fear, pain, or self-doubt. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The past is not in the past. It is in you, in your way of breathing, walking, and perceiving life.” Trauma doesn’t just disappear with time; it lingers in our nervous system, shaping our thoughts, emotions, and bodily responses until it is fully processed. This is where healing modalities like EMDR come in, helping the brain do what it was always meant to do: process, integrate, and restore balance.

 

EMDR and the Natural Healing Process

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) isn’t about inserting something new into the brain; it’s about unlocking the brain’s own ability to heal itself. Much like how our bodies work to heal a wound, our minds strive to resolve distressing experiences and return to a state of equilibrium. EMDR activates this natural process by engaging the brain’s adaptive information processing (AIP) system, allowing it to connect previously unprocessed memories with more adaptive, healing insights.

This means that, deep down, our minds want to heal. As Francine Shapiro, the creator of EMDR, put it, “People aren’t broken. Their past experiences are unprocessed.” EMDR doesn’t force healing—it simply clears the path for it.

 

The Body’s Wisdom: Mindfulness, Somatic Healing, and Self-Repair

Thich Nhat Hanh often taught that mindfulness, especially mindful breathing, connects us to the body’s innate wisdom. When we take a deep breath, we are doing more than just filling our lungs— we are grounding ourselves, calming our nervous system, and creating space for healing.

In the same way that EMDR helps the brain integrate and resolve old wounds, mindfulness helps regulate our emotional and physiological state. Every breath we take is an opportunity for self-repair. Every moment of awareness is an act of self-compassion.

But healing doesn’t only happen in the mind—it happens in the body. Trauma is stored not just as memories but as physical sensations, tensions, and patterns of movement. Approaches like yoga, somatic experiencing (SE), and movement therapy help release trauma that words alone cannot reach. Engaging in expressive therapies—such as art, music, and dance—can also facilitate healing by allowing emotions to be processed through creativity and movement rather than only cognition.

This is why mindfulness, somatic therapies, and trauma-healing approaches like EMDR complement each other so beautifully. Both recognize that healing is not something we have to chase— it’s something that naturally unfolds when we create the right conditions. But healing is not always comfortable. As Pema Chödrön reminds us, “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” Facing our past can feel unsettling, but it is also the pathway to freedom.

 

The Power of Trusting Your Own Mind

When we understand that healing is an intrinsic function of the mind and body, it changes how we approach growth, recovery, and well-being. It shifts us from a mindset of “fixing what is broken” to one of supporting what is already working.

The next time you feel stuck in an old emotional loop, take a moment to consider this: your mind and body are already working toward resolution. Whether through mindful breathing, EMDR, movement-based therapies, or simply allowing yourself the space to process, you are engaging in one of the most remarkable aspects of being human—the ability to heal, adapt, and thrive.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.

 


Therapist, Lauren Kelley draws upon her wealth of expertise in diverse modalities like EMDR, attachment-based therapy, and CBT to provide personalized, transformative care.

BOOK WITH LAUREN

Grieving the Loss of a Fantasy Parent: Letting Go and Healing

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Many people unconsciously hold onto the fantasy of a loving, nurturing, and attuned parent—a version of their mother or father that they desperately needed but never truly had. David Celani’s Leaving Home explores how individuals cling to this fantasy as a way of preserving hope and avoiding the pain of unmet childhood needs. However, the process of emotional growth often requires acknowledging this painful reality and grieving the loss of the parent we wished for but never had.

 

Why Grieving the Fantasy Parent is Necessary

Grieving the loss of a fantasy parent is not about blaming or vilifying our real parents. Instead, it is about validating the pain of unmet needs and moving toward healing. When we fail to acknowledge this loss, we may remain stuck in patterns of seeking approval, repeating dysfunctional relationship dynamics, or feeling an underlying sense of unworthiness. By consciously grieving, we can integrate our experiences, release unrealistic expectations, and cultivate self-compassion.

 

Recognizing the Fantasy Parent

Many people are unaware that they are still holding onto the fantasy of a perfect parent. Here are some signs that this dynamic may be at play:

  • A persistent hope that your parent will one day change and become the loving, supportive figure you needed.
  • An inability to accept their limitations, leading to repeated disappointment.
  • Feeling emotionally stuck—oscillating between resentment and longing.
  • Seeking out relationships where you unconsciously try to receive the love and validation you never got from a parent.

 

The Role of Grief Rituals in Healing

Grief is not just an emotion—it is a process. Engaging in intentional grief rituals can help make the loss feel real, provide a sense of closure, and create space for self-nurturing. Here are some powerful ways to acknowledge and grieve the loss of a fantasy parent:

1. Writing a Letter to the Fantasy Parent

Write a letter expressing what you needed from them, what you wished they had done differently, and how their absence of attunement affected you. You can choose to keep the letter as a reminder of your truth, or you can symbolically release it by burning or tearing it up.

2. Creating a Memorial Space

Set up a small space with symbolic objects—a childhood photo, a candle, or something representing the idealized parent. Spend time acknowledging your grief, and when you feel ready, dismantle the space as a way of saying goodbye.

3. A Releasing Ceremony

Write down unfulfilled hopes, painful memories, or anything you are ready to release. Place these writings in a fire, bury them in the ground, or float them away in water as a way of letting go.

4. Symbolic Reparenting

Hold an object representing your inner child, such as a stuffed animal or a comforting blanket. Speak affirmations to yourself, such as:

  • “I see you, I hear you, I will take care of you.”
  • “You deserved love and attunement, and I will give that to you now.”
  • “You are worthy, just as you are.”

5. Movement-Based Rituals

Grief is stored in the body, and movement can help release it. Consider a slow walk in nature, a candle-lighting meditation, or gentle yoga with an intention of honoring your grief and inviting healing.

 

Moving Forward: Becoming Your Own Nurturing Parent

Letting go of the fantasy parent is not about giving up on love—it is about reclaiming it for yourself. As you grieve, you can begin to step into the role of the attuned, compassionate, and loving figure that you always needed. This might look like:

  • Setting boundaries with parents who continue to be emotionally unavailable.
  • Seeking out relationships that provide healthy, reciprocal care.
  • Practicing self-compassion and self-care as acts of reparenting.
  • Finding community and therapy to support your healing journey.

The process of grieving a fantasy parent is not easy, but it is profoundly liberating. By acknowledging the truth, honoring the loss, and choosing to nurture yourself, you create space for genuine healing, deeper self-acceptance, and emotional freedom.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to explore these grief rituals and take one small step toward letting go of the fantasy—so that you can fully embrace the life that is waiting for you.

 

THE CONTENT OF THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.


Therapist, Lauren Kelley draws upon her wealth of expertise in diverse modalities like EMDR, attachment-based therapy, and CBT to provide personalized, transformative care.

BOOK WITH LAUREN